Dec 22 2008
Local Santas left “deflated” after spate of drive-by shootings
Image from Reidsrow News Agency
Manchester, The North
Festive killjoys rejoiced today after a series of drive-by shootings on local Santas left locals disgruntled. The decorations, located around the city of Manchester, were deflated as residents awoke this morning to discover their Santas, snowmen and reindeer had been ‘popped’.
Evidence of the vandals’ sorry spree lay strewn across roads, footpaths and front gardens as locals were left feeling ‘deflated’.
“This is a disgrace. I’ll have to spend a whole five minutes searching for plasters to repair my snowman. He’s going to end up looking like Ricky Hatton after five rounds!” — Alf Hart, Moss Side
Meanwhile, residents have taken to guarding their inflatables in an attempt to curb future repeats of the event. One local even went to the extent of arming their Santa with super soakers and an old sieve as a protective helmet.
In the wake of the event, a spokesperson for the Manchester Association against Inflatable Christmas Decorations (MAICD) spoke of his delight:
“This is a victory for everyone who hates cheap and tacky decorative items. People ought to have learned by now that these abominations aren’t welcome in this neighbourhood. [Sneer]” — B. Humbugg
Police are currently searching for “anyone with an anti-inflatable attitude” or “access to a pea-shooter” and urge anybody with any information to “keep it to themselves because we can’t be bothered dealing with such stupid cases when we’d rather be scoffing eggnog flavoured pies.”
‘Well, I’m blowed. Life moves at such a pace,’ said Mrs Santa.
The whole experience of the pre-Christmas party with the Elves had left Santa himself feeling a little out of breath!
Oh my, why would they do that?
bunch of grinches running ’round there, seems like.