Jan 08 2009
Ronaldo crashes in Manchester, blames it on car and Mike Riley
A passing motorist succumbs to rubbernecking.
Image: Thue
High profile ‘footballer’ and professional scuba diver “Chris” Ronaldo has been involved in a crash in Manchester. Witnesses report that the Portuguese part-time grass inspector was driving erratically whilst entering a tunnel just outside Manchester airport and emerged the other side doing a forward somersault.
CCTV footage shows that Ronaldo was initially unhurt by the crash, but suddenly and inexplicably became seriously injured when a policeman appeared.
The individual in question, a Mr. Ron Aldo… sorry, er, Roonaldo, was rolling in agony on the floor when we found him, but he seemed to recover pretty quickly when we issued the car with a yellow ‘do not touch’ card. — I.M.A. Copper on his lunch break
During a topless interview in which he ate a banana suggestively, Ronaldo (real name E. Fellova) denied all accusations of milking publicity. He went on to allege that the car’s ‘poor reactions’ were at fault for his fingernail-threatening injuries, and in a reflex reaction blamed Premier League referee Mike Riley, who was in fact in Specsavers at the time. Manchester United manager Alex Ferguson said of the incident:
It’s disgraceful. The FA ought to do more to protect our most talented players. In this case they should have told him about the Ferrari’s poor NCAP ratings…
The FA refused to comment, only telling the public to ignore Ferguson because “he’s a moaning old codger”.
