Jan 18 2009
Police thwart Knowsley “immigrant” lettuce smuggling ring
The smugglers caught in the act.
Photo my Mariana Islands.
Pro-vegetablists have been caught attempting to smuggle lettuces into the North West of England. The team of eighteen Asians was stopped just before it reached the English Channel, where it was confirmed that an attempt to smuggle the vegetables into the country had been halted.
The lettuces were bound for Knowsley in Merseyside, best known for being the town with the largest filthy sock mountain in the UK. Shocked residents were disgusted to hear that such an operation would be happening on their very doorstep:
Lettuce? Whatever that is, it sounds like a despicable foreign health food. I hope these guys go down for a long time. — Unnamed citize
George Cadbury, head of the British League for the Prevention of Vegetables (BLPV) spoke of his dismay over the incident:
All the good work we do to try and completely eradicate all traces of vegetable from the British diet is in danger of going to waste just because of the actions of a few irresponsible vegetable terrorists. Menaces to society, they are. Buy Cadbury’s chocolate!
The group, consisting of fifteen Iraqis, two Afghans and an ocelot hijacked a lorry in Baghdad before joyriding across Europe, stealing from vegetable market stalls on their way. They are set to be deported to the United States to perform community service, forced to eat twenty pounds of chocolate per day for a whole month.
The British Vegetable Clampdown continues apace, with another five million carrots fed to a giant, genetically modified mutant rabbit being held by the government in a secret location during the last week.
