Retro Yakking

One of the most vandalised articles on Wikipedia is the entry for Microsoft mogul William Gates III. Most people know him for being one of the world’s richest men, earning billions in the personal computer industry.

But did you know that, according to Wikipedia, he was also once a pancake snorter and founder of the television show John Colbert Farts on a fat duck? Well, it was on Wikipedia, so it must be true, mustn’t it? Here’s some more stuff I’ll bet you never knew about everyone’s favourite geek.

• Bill Gates worked for BBC Weather and was the head of British Meteorologists from 1993-2000.  He was supposedly taught how to present the weather by Michael Fish, and started a “widely spread” joke about ‘bluescreens of death’. Really.
• Bill Gates is a butcher from Bury St. Edmunds. According to that edit, he was also born in 1902, presumably making him the oldest computer expert in the world.
• Bill Gates is the “smartest man on earth” and “has been able to amass an unimaginable fortune”, despite the fact he has never created a single product that actually worked properly.
• Bill Gates is made up, and in actual fact is an “imaginary friend to some kid in Russia”. Apparently, that’s all there is to it.
• Bill Gates developed an email tracking system in conjunction with Disney. Though this was widely reported to be a hoax, he genuinely distributed over eight million dollars in cash and trips to Walt Disney World using the program.
• Bill Gates won a very prestigious award in 2007, specifically “the London Prize of the most annoying man last night when I was dreaming.”

DVD Bonus material! More fun revisions

Bill Gates…

• …”hates puppies“, and was born in a place called ‘Pittsburb’
• … “owns the goddamn world“
• … was “born on Mars” to a poor family, or maybe it was the moon?
• … seems to be Harry Potter
• …smells funny and runs like a girl
• … is “taking over the world one computer at a time“
• … “enjoys a daily walk in the park with his alligator buddies” (?!)

Well, there we have it. All facts that have been present on Wikipedia at some point in time. I’ll leave you with an edit on the great man by some time miscreant Glenners.

Bill Gates, the hero of our time, *clears throat* I think not…

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