Retro Yakking

A 27-year-old builder from Sutton has become the first person to use Google Earth’s brand new feature developed to aid thieves in their daily robberies. Using the Easy Thievery service, Tom Berge managed to swipe 45 tonnes of lead from the rooves of churches, schools and public buildings before selling it on for over £44,000.

Not only was I able to tell which rooves were made of the most valuable materials, but I was also able to locate and get directions to the nearest scrapyard to cash it in. Funny that I managed to get away with it, considering my Google Maps GPS kept taking me on needless forty mile trips around town, past police stations and bobbies on the beat. Still a few bugs, but it’s brilliant this technology, i’n't it? — Tom Berge, speaking from his jail cell

Berge plans to escape from Strangeways using Google Maps via the library’s Internet access to pinpoint structural weaknesses in the building. However his plan is likely to be scuppered, as Warden Alf Hart was quick to point out:

Fat chance of that… Google maps of the prison haven’t been updated for over a decade, and our security measures have come a long way since then. In fact, just last week we managed to acquire an extra layer of lead for the roof from a local building merchant. Dirt cheap it was, too…

Police are currently in the process of recovering the stolen lead from local pipes, car batteries, stained glass windows and school pencils*. It is proving a difficult task, and critics note that it would be much cheaper (and practical) to cover the rooves in tarpaulin, Al’s Fried Chicken leaflets or AOL CDs.

*Before the nerds point this out… only joking. That last one’s an urban myth.

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