Retro Yakking

The ECB have today released details of a top secret project to create ten clones of Andrew ‘Freddie’ Flintoff in a bid to win back the Ashes.

It transpires that for the last five years, the England and Wales Cricket Board have been working with the world’s top scientists and insane medical experts (the likes of which have not been seen since early 70s Bond villains) to create a ’superteam’ consisting entirely of Flintoffs.

To keep the Freds’ minds off restaurants, they will sign for local football teams.

Australian captain Ricky Ponting, former world #1 batsman and founder of Ponting’s Holidays, is not afraid of a team full of Freddies:

We’re not exactly quaking in our boots here - Flints can’t bat for toffee at the moment. I don’t think our bowlers are too happy about it though, because we’re planning to play eleven batsmen… but we’re gonna walk all over you pommie barstewards!

Former England batsman Marcus Trescothick is also skeptical of the plans:

I doubt there’d ever be enough bangers and mash in the world to fuel eleven Freds. Plus, have you ever seen him keep wicket? He keeps whole packets of crisps inside his gloves - you wouldn’t be able to concentrate for the crunching.

But the ball is already rolling on the ECB’s masterplan. The Lord’s Pavilion bar has this week undergone structural reinforcement in anticipation of the Freds, and a hundred cases of Boddington’s a day are being lorried to their training base.

Trackback URI | Comments RSS