Apr 30 2009
Pig Flu Watch: Media finds something else to talk about?
…not on your nelly.
As the number of deaths being attributed to swine flu slows, the media frenzy surrounding the disease which threatens to become a global pandemic is receding somewhat, but officials are quick to warn that pig flu may well be hazardous to your health.
For this reason, the Home Office advise people to read the informational leaflets currently being distributed. In essence, these are just recycled bird flu leaflets readied for the previous potential pandemic with the words ‘stay away from pigs’ scribbled on in orange marker. Do not underestimate their importance, however, for they are essential for survival (so the press will have us believe) in a possible, nay probable post-apocalyptic, swine flu ravaged world.
As with any global panic, people are looking to the past for clues on how and why this sort of thing could happen. Thanks to Judas at the Godlike Productions forums, it has been ascertained that Nostradamus, that great soothsayer of the 16th Century, did indeed predict these events.
Very great famine (caused) by a plague-ridden wave,
Will extend through long rain the length of the Arctic pole:
“Samarobryn” one hundred leagues from the hemisphere,
They will live without law, exempt from politics.
I wouldn’t mess with Nosty – his predictions are uncanny. So yes, inconclusive proof that you’re all going to die horribly… but only if you live in the Arctic, apparently. Better watch out, Iceland!
The consequences of this pandemic stretch much further than human life, however. Even Auntie Beeb has felt the effects of the old influenza, with literally thousands of minutes of 24-hour news channel airtime falling foul of the dreaded pig flu. Happily, BBC News 24 is showing signs of returning to full health as I think I saw a story about yesterday’s Champions League semi finals in there somewhere.
Meanwhile the WHO has raised the threat level, and the Daily Mail’s panic level, to five – meaning Paladin Warriors and Orcs and such get to wield a much more powerful sword or something. Man, I am terrible with this internet gaming geek culture.
And so concludes this run-down of the papers’ coverage of the ongoing pig flu outbreak, as this particular reporter fears he may have contracted the disease himself. Yes, I have become increasingly porcine in appearance and my newfound ability to devour of a plate of mud in less than ten seconds is ever so slightly worrying.
Pig out. Er, I mean, peace out.
HY
The threat is not the virus, but the agenda of those who manufactured it to spread fear and remove more civil liberties to ‘protect us’.
@Big Al -
Dude, I thought you were dead. Farmed out. Right arm.
So tell me, do you think this plague will supplant the one you created? And what would be the motivation to combine little wiggly things from birds, pigs, ponies, and human snot in the gene pool if not to risk walking the plank to howls of execration, which is not necessarily the process of producing mounds of excrement.
Ah, another day in the liberal media NOMF with reCAPTCHA: hearst thee and yaaaarrrrrg me hearties.
I am damn happy to have found your blog! Especially for the great comments!!
Yay! I thought I was the only one checking the Godlike Productions forum from here. So, tell me…have you rushed out to get your silo filled with dry beans and rice yet? Converted the basement into a government-safe stronghold that can withstand the horrors of the zombie population that the world will soon feature?
At first I thought that pig was wearing a beret and had a cigarette holder in his mouth.