May 31 2009
The sport of cricket is rapidly becoming the RSPB’s nightmare; it’s a sad fact, but cricket can be a killer. Of birds.
Though we’re never likely to see mass pigeon or seagull culling on the outfield, considering the amount of cricket that goes on up and down the country, it’s not surprising that once every so often, a rather unlucky passing bird bites the dust at the hands of a low-flying ball.
May 30 2009
This Britain’s Got Talent thing I do not care for much. I’d much rather go cheese rolling, collect pennies from the pavement or perhaps even scrape the mould from my cheese collection (this Credit Crunch thing is starting to get annoying now).
So when the Grand Final’s on this weekend, or whenever it is, I shall be doing something far more interesting than melting my brain. Which, in itself, is actually far more interesting… Man, I’d pay to see that.
May 29 2009
This month, everyone’s favourite winged mammal becomes a septuagenarian. Yes, Batman has hit the big seven-O.
The Caped Crusader made his first appearance back in 1939, and became so popular that by 1940 he had his very own comic.
Today, he is far more than a mere comic character: he has, at various times, been a brain surgeon, a campaigner against global warming and even President of the United States. Admittedly, most of these have been due to the fact cartoonists could no longer think of original plotlines and new wacky villains for Battie to battle.
But we ought not to begrudge The Dark Knight any of his past glories, for despite the fact he has no real effective weaponry, he has worked his way into the general psyche of the population. Everyone knows who Batman is - if you didn’t see the comic or the television series, then surely you’ll have seen one of his films, cartoons or video games.
May 28 2009
Stadio Olympico, Rome, Italy †
In the end, alcohol deprivation proved decisive as Manchester United failed in their bid to become the first European champions to defend their title. There was no huge anti-British conspiracy, only a better Barcelona team on the night and a relatively poor performance from England’s champions.
Manchester United were not the only ones to suffer from withdrawal symptoms, however. In the cold light of day and without the aid of a strong pair of beer goggles, fans saw for the first time in three months what it’s like to lose to a better team.
Without beer, Rooney no function. Give Foster’s. — Wayne Rooney
May 27 2009
Michel Platini has pulled out all the stops, drafting in the world’s finest saboteurs to ensure a Barcelona victory over Manchester United in tonight’s Champions League final.
The football circus moves to Rome’s Stadio Olympico this evening as Manchester’s United, whom Platini dubs “the face of capitalism in modern football”, and Barcelona, “home to some of the most passionate fans in Europe”, meet in a winner-takes-all battle for Euro glory.
UEFA execs, weary of United’s bustling, typically British style of play, have instructed referee Massimo Busacca to clamp down on any sort of physical contact whatsoever at tonight’s game. There’s also a hefty reward for officials if they can see to it that the English club are on the losing side come 11pm.
