May 21 2009
A visit from Her Majesty - The day the Queen came to Wigan
Today was an historic day for the borough as Her Royal Highness the Queen paid a visit to the pie-manufacturing heartland of England’s north west. By which I mean Wigan.
The Queen arrived at Wigan North Western train station fashionably early, and was greeted by a relatively sparse crowd that braved the pouring rain to catch a glimpse of Her Majesty.
She and Prince Philip climbed onto a bus destined for Kitt Green’s flagship Heinz factory, where Lizzie II enjoyed a wonderful lunch of beans on toast with tomato sauce. HRH was even given a doggy bag containing some green ketchup, which the Queen admits is her favourite of all cardboard-flavoured condiments, save for parsley.
After some suitably offensive banter from Prince Philip, the Royal Party moved on to Leigh, where a brief visit to Tesco for a bottle of Sprite and a cucumber sandwich was followed by a trip to the Leigh Sports Village. There, the Queen unveiled a plaque commemorating her visit and struggled to stay awake for the duration of a kids’ touch rugby match.
The Queen regrets letting some local kids look after her car.
Upon returning to her car, it was found that the wheels had actually been stolen. This was a rather intriguing occurrence, as she had only left in the pay and display car park for fifteen minutes under the watchful eye of local kids, which she paid 50p each (”It was a lot of money in my day”).
While the Queen continued to fulfil her engagements by foot, her bodyguards enjoyed free drinks and games of pool at the Sky Bar, racking up a £765 tab that was later paid in full using a piece of paper with the Queen’s head and “seven hunderd an sixty five pouns” scribbled across the back.
From there, it was a trip through Bolton back to Wigan North Western and the luxurious Royal train. Though delays meant the party left Wigan over ninety minutes later than scheduled, it was a relatively eventful day that many in the borough will never forget.
Okay, I’ll admit that I didn’t exactly gather any of this information first-hand. I can’t afford the five pound Daysaver ticket to ride around the Borough on buses all day, and besides, the cricket’s on.
God Save the Queen and all that!
Not bad reporting. The kids are all right, and those wheels are already on eBay. Don’t tell the Queen.
Clearly Lizzie Dos had it coming for parking on the wrong side of the road. Shame shame on her. She was never a good driver anyway.