May 28 2009
All work and no beer makes Manchester United a poor team
Stadio Olympico, Rome, Italy †
In the end, alcohol deprivation proved decisive as Manchester United failed in their bid to become the first European champions to defend their title. There was no huge anti-British conspiracy, only a better Barcelona team on the night and a relatively poor performance from England’s champions.
Manchester United were not the only ones to suffer from withdrawal symptoms, however. In the cold light of day and without the aid of a strong pair of beer goggles, fans saw for the first time in three months what it’s like to lose to a better team.
Without beer, Rooney no function. Give Foster’s. — Wayne Rooney
Platini also learned his lesson, namely remove alcohol and half the Manchester United team play like Hindley Town FC (no offense to Hindley Town). The wheels are already in motion to enforce a permanent alcohol ban upon travelling British teams, and to provide copious amounts of free beer for squads and fans within the British Isles.
Yes, we shall increase your reliance on Devil Juice so you become drinking, smoking and gambling buffoons! — Michel Platini
Whether Britain will enforce similar measures upon wine for European teams is as yet unknown.
†Actually, I’m still in Britain, but at least I could drink. Hahah!
Enough wining already. It’s only another drinking game. Let’s get on with the absinthe and ether and do the soapy strike.