May 30 2009
15 things you could be doing instead of watching ‘Britain’s Got Talent’
This Britain’s Got Talent thing I do not care for much. I’d much rather go cheese rolling, collect pennies from the pavement or perhaps even scrape the mould from my cheese collection (this Credit Crunch thing is starting to get annoying now).
So when the Grand Final’s on this weekend, or whenever it is, I shall be doing something far more interesting than melting my brain. Which, in itself, is actually far more interesting… Man, I’d pay to see that.
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Fifteen things more interesting than Britain’s Got No Talent
- Teaching a rat to jump through miniature hula hoops
- Collecting banana peels and creating the world’s largest roadblock
- Counting the number of tiles/dog hairs/dead flies on your kitchen floor
- Fishing for trolleys at Amberswood Lake
- Sharkbaiting… with human bait
- Making inane lists
- Attempting to eat half an egg out of a shoe with a pencil
- Hailing taxis then running off at the last minute
- Throwing bricks at Simon Cowell’s windows (hahah, nobody there to stop me!)
- Trying to stuff a whole Chunky Kit Kat into your mouth
- Organising a scientific study to see if crusts really do make your hair curly
- Being the first person to master the no-stringed guitar
- Shooting birds with Super Soakers or spud guns
- Organising your DVD collection by number of swear words, from least to most profane
- Building a snowman out of the frosting in your freezer
.
In an ironic twist of fate, most of these would actually win you the BGT (Bacon, Gherkin and Tomato?) competition. Weird, eh? Try out some of the stuff in this post and join me in my quest to stifle karaoke television forever! I’d rather watch the World Tiddlywinks Championships, which I am currently lobbying ITV to show on Saturday nights.
Bloke with the stringless guitar for Christmas number one!
See also
I have nothing to say. I live in the nation of miserably fucks where people prefer to wasting their time watching spin offs of Britain’s Got Talent.
Me? I keep working to bring on the bomb.
Numbers 3 and 11 win my vote. These were all very funny. I don’t tend to watch any of shows like this. I try to and then after the first two shows I get bored and find something else to do.