Jun 13 2009
“My fish’s face exploded” and more fun-filled frivolity - Ask the Yak weird searches edition
You may think Retro Yakking has addressed some rather wacky issues in the past couple of months, but the people finding this site via the search engines have come up with some even crazier stuff that you wouldn’t believe.
Mentally unstable as they may be, each of the search terms emboldened below have brought web surfers to this very site. As an added bonus, I’ve attempted to answer some of the queries with my knowledge of, er, stuff.
Q. My fish’s face exploded.
A. Well, unfortunately there’s nothing I can do to help your fish, but I advise saving yourself as it is most likely a grotesque mutant that crawled from the sewers.
If you want to survive, I suggest flushing it back down the toilet before it transforms into some sort of comic book-esque lifeform.
Q. How much to advertise on your van?
A. Five pounds per letter, or alternatively, three chicken sandwiches or a can of Fray Bento’s meatballs.
Q. Is there any fish in a fish finger?
A. The answer is no. See the image in this post for more information on the exact make-up of a fish finger, where you will find it is mostly floor sweepings.
Q. Tesco kills frogs?
A. I would say yes, as their value coke tastes just like frog saliva. In recent times, their lemonade is going this way also: I now recommend Morrisons budget lemonade.
Q. What do fish do for fun?
A. Not sure, but I should think stopping their faces from exploding would be quite high on their list of priorities.
Q. Advice to not kill anyone
A. This one’s simple - avoid deadly objects. Don’t buy a gun, cut bread with a blunt pencil and remove the mediaeval torture implements from your basement. This will prevent you from inadvertently inflicting a premature death upon visitors. In a wider context, don’t become a brain surgeon without adequate training.
Q. I’ve got pig flu
A. Stay indoors and try not to spit on anyone passing by your window, no matter how difficult you may find it.
Questions I couldn’t answer and misc.daft searches
Fuel for future posts here?
How many people have been killed at Blackpool Pleasure Beach?- Why do people hate Howard Webb?
- Toilet paper statistics Norwegians
- Vegetable racism
- What is gherkins?
- “They is a dangerous pig flu yes they is ok”
- Manchester United and their beer
- Pig flu eat your neighbours
- Is Hindley, Wigan bad?
