Jun 25 2009
He’s not a hacker, he’s a very naughty boy: Britain’s new cyber-security strategy
Security minister Lord West has confirmed that the UK has, in the past few years, had to deal with cyber attacks from Russia and China.
To this end, a strategy to counter online terrorism, in development for quite some time, has been published this week.
It is of increasing concern to the government that malicious hackers are more prevalent than ever, and the UK faces a very real threat of cyber terrorism. But how does a country with such a rich and distinguished history of computer nerds fight the hackers? With more hackers, of course.
A new organisation of ‘good guy’ hackers, ironically codenamed Robin Hood, has been founded. It is hoped that by professionalising the industry to a select few eggheads, capitalism will once again triumph over communism in a new version of the Cold War, dubbed ‘The Ever-So-Slightly-Microwaved War’.
Haha, those hacker fools forgot one thing: the capacity to cheat, steal and bribe to get an edge on the opposition is a major trait of Western society. See this, Dmitri [Chestikov, promiscuous Russian hacker]? This is money, something you wretched fools will never see in your pointless, codebreaking lives. — Lord West, doing nothing for Russia-UK relations
Big-name hackers such as Henry “Blowers” Blofeld and Goldie “Lookin’ Chain” Goldfinger are, according to Lord West, surprisingly young.
It is a mystery how they’ve even heard of these Bond villains, seeing as most of them were born after 1995. Still, with names like that you’d have thought they’d be pretty good hacksters. — Lord West GCSE
Wild hackers, if caught at a relatively young age, can be tamed and their power harnessed to fight the superpowers of world terrorism.
West’s ‘Cold War’ scenario has been criticised by many, but as Bernard Matthews might say, it is tough turkeys as plans are already in place and the government can do what it damn well pleases.
Right, so if you don’t like this you’ll be willing for me to publish your complete online browsing history and bank account details on our website then, eh? Boot’ll be on the other foot then, won’t it? Hahah. — Lord West MS (Mad Scientist)
- Harry Potter’s Daniel Radcliffe Reveals He Has Dyspraxia
- Three-year-old is youngest crime suspect in Britain
- Britain - best placed to come out of the recession!
- “CATCH ME IF YOU CAN” SAID THE BEST TORONTO LAWYER WHO EXCELS IN PRACTICING ALL AREAS OF LAW BECAUSE HE IS AT HIS BEST PRACTICING LAW! HE ALSO WALKS WITH GOD!
- Alec Baldwin-He is simply a very angry man.
