It’s been another action-packed week, to the point that Retro Yakking could not fit every individual news story into its own article. Here’s a selection of stuff that didn’t quite make it to full post status this week, but is noteworthy nonetheless.
Another fire took place in Blackpool this week, on this occasion at the disused Grand Hotel on Station Road. Arson is the suspected cause, though it’s just as likely that some cigarette ash from a nearby pub (blatantly flouting the no smoking laws, of course) landed close to the building and set it ablaze. Retro Yakking found that a previous fire was caused by none other than a dragon, so maybe it escaped from Blackpool zoo to wreak havoc upon the town once again.
Hot on the heels of the shock news that Michael Schumacher will return to Formula One, Damon Hill has also announced he shall once again be donning the goggles to go head to head with his bitter foe for a final time.
In the 1990s, the pair were the subject of much attention on and off the track, employing close-to-the-knuckle techniques to outdo each other both mentally and physically. Though Schumacher usually came out on top, the thrill of the chase was all rather good fun for the F1 punters.
In typical evil villain style, Hill immediately called a press conference at which he stated his intentions in no uncertain terms.
I cannot let that Sunday driver get away with this! The fact I haven’t driven a car with more than 55 horse powers for almost a decade does not matter one jot, for I must thwart his dastardly attempts at world domination! To the Hillmobile! — Damon Hill
Of the news, Schumacher was actually rather cheesed off.
To further mark the fortieth anniversary of the moon landings, a cheesemaker has sent a plate of cheddar into space. Unfortunately, the success of the mission is as yet not known, as the weather balloon to which it was attached has mysteriously disappeared.
Shortly after take-off, all contact with the cheese was lost as the GPS used to track its progress failed. Therefore, we can quite safely assume it was eaten, either by hungry Russian astronauts (there are no Vodka springs in space, unfortunately for them) or passing aliens from a neighbouring solar system.
But is it the weirdest thing ever to be sent into space? Well, maybe it is, and perhaps it could open the floodgates for other bizarre things to be catapulted ‘out of this world’…
Following his recent Gordon Brown jibe, bookmakers have received an influx of bets on exactly which individual or group of people motoring journalist and general grumpy old man Jeremy Clarkson will offend next.
The Top Gear presenter’s portfolio, headed ‘People Successfully Offended’, includes (but is by no means limited to); women; hippies; people who write things on computers rather than paper; people who think Damon Hill is the Stig; people under the age of 21 and almost anybody else you could care to mention.
Clarkie added to that portfolio this week by once again slating Gordon Brown, unleashing a four-letter tirade on the British Prime Minister during a recent recording session for car-related entertainment show Top Gear. The remark was not recorded, though he was seen to openly insult wife swappers in Sunday’s edition of the show. It is thought the two may be related.
Thinking about it, it would in fact be more beneficial to list the people that he hasn’t yet offended, as this is probably minute in comparison. Oh go on, then - you twisted my arm…
Who’d be a football referee, eh? Fans baying for your blood and, in the Premier League, you’re the least well paid on the pitch by far. A thankless task, indeed.
This poor bloke from a Chinese League match involving Tianjin was literally chased from the pitch after apparently sending one of their players off for a stamp. Look at him go!
