Jul 03 2009
The Ashes 2009: Flintoff clone in team bus escapade
It has been reported in the mainstream press that Andrew ‘Freddie’ Flintoff missed the team bus to an England squad bonding session this week. In a strange twist, however, he was actually seen getting off the bus at the destination, a war memorial in Ypres, Belgium.
This can only mean one thing: the Freddie Flintoff clones are rearing their heads once more, attracted to beer and sleep like flies to jam. It seems the clone in this particular incident has managed to scarper, no doubt to an alehouse somewhere, but on the plus side the genuine Flintoff remained well-rested and picked up 2-16 from nine overs in a warm-up match yesterday.
At least, we think it was the real Fred.
Flintoff’s excuse that his “alarm clock got p*ssed” seems to have washed with the ECB, who let Freddie off with a small slap on the wrist. This is understandable - they have much bigger fish to fry what with a half-team of raging Flintoff clones on the rampage who knows where.
Since Retro Yakking’s call for public help on this matter (retribution as part of its rehabilitation, but don’t tell anyone), calls have been flooding in from all over the world, with two of the missing seven Freds having been captured in the past week.
The first of the runaway Flintoffs was found working as a pizza tester in Rome, whilst the other had been hiding out at a Manchester chess club, and had actually managed to reach the status of Grandmaster at the time he was apprehended. Both are now being put on strict training regimes to get them fit for at least one of the Ashes Tests.
Your chess-hustling days are over, Fred AT-7. — Shaggy from Scooby Doo
After the series, the Freds will be put to good use over the winter as used car salesmen and entertainers at Mumbai freak shows, paid with fried egg and chips. Whether they will be any good at it or not is a different matter, though they are expected to make a killing in the next Indian Premier League as hotdog vendors.
