Jul 06 2009
James Bond Facebook stalked and captured by Russians
The name’s Bond… but not if you’re Vlad_The_Impala_42.
World renowned super-spy James Bond has been apprehended by Russian KGB agents after sensitive details regarding his whereabouts were posted on social networking website Facebook.
The news breaks just days after it was discovered that the wife of an MI6 big cheese blew his cover by posting images of him on the very same site. It is thought Russian spies had been monitoring Bond’s activity on the site for months, often posing as the American government to extract information from Bond without him realising it.
Bond was on his way to Wimbledon to watch Andy Murray’s semi-final against Andy Roddick when he was captured by a group of heavies, who bundled him into a 1976 Lada and taken to an isolated island base that looks suspiciously like a skull. (Cue ominous music.)
He made the fatal mistake of publicising his intent to visit SW19, first as an update on Facebook and then in a phone call to Andy Murray himself. Except it was not actually the world #3, but Andry Murovski, an Airdrieonian with a suspiciously Ukranian accent.
It’s a sad fact, but the Cold War still rages to this day. In the UK, this stuff is largely kept under wraps to protect the interests of the general public. If you lived in Moscow, however, you’d know the full extent of the situation. — Person known only as ‘M’
It is thought everything will work out fine for the MI5 as Q has equipped Bond with the latest in hi-tech gadgets - a Sanyo solar powered calculator and a 1989 model Game Boy.
He will probably determine the air pressure and wind speed using the calculator then distract the guards using the Tetris technique. Of course, every student of international stereotypes will know that every Russian guard, no matter how educated, is partial to the odd five-hour Tetris marathon.
However, two hours of the Game Boy’s battery have already been used up, meaning Bond has just minutes to figure out how he will escape his latest jam. To see for yourself, be sure to get down to your local Odeon and see his forthcoming movie “Living in 1989″ soon.
