Retro Yakking

Ever heard of Murphy’s Law - “anything that can go wrong will go wrong”? Well, I can assure you that it’s alive and kicking no matter how positively you think.

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Plastic clothes pegs will always snap and be eaten by the dog before you can pick up the pieces. Sometimes they won’t even hit the floor before Fido chomps them up.

Wooden pegs will most likely give you a splinter or fall off the line after you think you’ve pegged out your clothes. Additionally, whatever pegs you use, you will always run out before you’ve completed your task, leading to a game of World War II-style peg rationing - it’s made all the more fun by Fido snapping at your heels and panting like mad. Of course, buying new pegs is out of the question.

No matter how carefully you wrap and organise your electrical leads and wires, they will still be horribly tangled when you come back to use them later. Once you’ve spent ten minutes to straighten them out again, your attempts to reuse them will be fruitless as you somehow managed to loosen a connection somewhere and/or completely destroy the internal wiring.

Your remote control’s battery will run out at a rather risqué point in a film just as a small child walks into the room. You know mashing at the buttons will solve nothing, but continue to do so in the vein hope a small bit of juice remains in the batteries to rescue you from this embarrassing situation. By the time you’ve removed and replaced the same batteries, the child is already asking where babies come from.

You’ve prepared your various utensils, donned your tall chef’s hat readied your chopping board and ingredients sourced from Teletext… then Cooking With Fanny Cradock is cancelled for the snooker. Again. Still, it gives you the chance to recount the joke about ‘eating your reds, pinks, blues and greens’.

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Until next time, remember to think positive or the monsters under your bed/bogeyman/taxman will get you.

See also: Some modern truisms regarding everyday life

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