Aug 20 2009
Cricket: Crowd banner school
The final Ashes Test is now underway, and in five days, we shall know the fate of the little urn for the 2009 series. Hey, you at the back there, pay attention!
Stop that. If the wind changes you’ll be stuck in that position for the rest of your life. Now where was I? Oh yes. There’s some big cricket match happening or something down in London right now as you read this, and no doubt our boys are receiving a right good hammering at the hands of their counterparts from down under.
Right, who said ‘counterfarts’ then, eh? Own up or you’re all getting detention!
[ Awkward silence ]
Back to the subject in hand, somewhat, in the same vein as a previous post on the Twenty20 World Cup, we have a nice selection of crowd banners for you to laugh/smirk/spit at. The only difference here is that none of these have any relevance to the Ashes, or anything much, really: view it as a bit of light relief whilst we’re (probably) being battered.
The bog-standard run-of-the-mill ‘Hello Mum’ affair is something of a vain attempt to get on television, serving no purpose other than to draw attention to oneself. For all we know, his mother has probably been dead five years, or isn’t even watching this broadcast. Poor bloke. For that reason, I’m going to be lenient and award him a C- on compassionate grounds.
Ah, bring back Botham indeed - we’re going to need him after Big Fred retires from the Test arena. These blokes seem to have the right idea: their signage actually has meaning and raises something of a smile. Good stuff, B+.
Now, I know this kid is excited and everything, probably getting wrapped up in the moment and all, but look: just don’t embarrass yourself (and your mother) by hopping up and down on the outfield, especially when the match hasn’t even finished yet. Learn to add up numbers, like. I’m going to have to award an ungraded here, I’m afraid.
Oh, how rather clever: a reference to the lack of quality spinners to come out of England since, well, forever. I shall take into consideration that English is most likely not this person’s first language when I grade this one. Still, there’s no excuse for purple, lime green and bright orange felt tip pen, so a C it is.
[ Bell rings ]
Well, I suppose that concludes this lesson on crowd banners. There’s a ten minute break before SuperGower will be in the lecture theatre to talk about the finer points of egg and chips. Be sure to attend, as it will count towards your end-of-year mark! Until then, I think I need some aspirin.
