Retro Yakking

One man was stabbed and numerous others injured in violent scenes that marred Tuesday’s Carling Cup tie between bitter rivals Millwall and West Ham at Upton Park.

Retro Yakking has been fortunate enough to grab a first hand account by a man at the very heart of the action, for a small fee (pie and chips) of course.

So, like, I was just minding my own business and this madman hit me, just walloped me one right in the mush. So I thought right, I’m not having this, and kicked him in the nuts. Next thing I knew there’s these hundreds of blokes coming towards me, and I was like, oh crud, and just started to run for it.

I tripped over this bloke, who was vomiting all over the grass, just violently retching. I could see some guy giving him the full treatment as I legged it, but as I turned round there was just this sea of people - completely impenetrable. I thought right, this is it - fight or die.

I smacked this fat guy in the gut and he just doubled up and fell over, but things didn’t get any easier. I managed to find a half-full plastic bottle which I used to beat my way through the crowd very slowly, but it was a really difficult task, like riding a bike through treacle. I think some guy clocked me square on the forehead at one point - in fact, I knew from the blood running down my face, but I just kept on running for my life.

As I made it out onto the street, it was just a complete brawl from one end of the ground to the other, a streetfight from the bad old days. Police officers with pepper spray, mad idiots with sticks and broken bottles - and that was just the security guards.

It’s a miracle I made it out of there alive. Apparently a bad decision sparked it all off: well, it’s not my fault, the guy had a knife and was going to cut me up if I didn’t send him off. — Referee Paul Taylor

Betcha didn’t see that one coming.

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