Oct 06 2009
Gordon Brown sells country’s bullion to cash for gold website
In a fresh move to save money and win back voters, Gordon Brown has sold the Bank of England’s entire supply of gold bullion to cash4mygold.co.uk.
According to reports, Brown hit upon the idea when drinking his morning coffee and watching GMTV. As he sat down to eat his Weetabix, it just so happened that an advertisement for the website began playing on his portable telly. Brown himself picks up the story:
It suddenly occurred to me that I own gold: lots of it in fact. That supply of bullion was sitting there doing nothing and hadn’t been touched in years. In fact, if anyone so much as sets foot in the Bank of England vault, loads of alarms go off like when Alan Davies gets the wrong answer in QI. The chances of anyone ever using that bullion were slim to none, so I thought to myself, “why the heck not?” — Gordon Brown
Brown immediately put the wheels in motion with a quick phone call to the Queen — who happened to be having a lie in at the time and by all accounts was not pleased to be disturbed — and it was agreed: the gold would be sold.
Within the hour, Brown had visited cash4mygold and received a quote for the £100 billion worth of gold: £23.60. Supposedly, the PM began to have second thoughts as this seemed too good an offer to be true, but it was too late as he had already hit the ’submit’ button on the ‘confirm sale’ page.
It is thought the money will be pumped back into the country’s economy, whose foremost priority this week is to… find more gold to replenish the bank’s supply.
What about this quantitative cheesing method we had in place? I thought that was working pretty well, and this measure was unnecessary if you ask me. Then again, nobody did. Come to think about it, Gordon never asks me anything… — Alistair Darling
Breaking news: The Prime Minister has announced that, effective this morning, anyone earning more than £1 a day is now required to pay a 99% tax on all income, including pound notes found discarded in gutters. The Channel Tunnel has been barricaded to prevent people fleeing to the continent, and Gordon Brown has gone into hiding.
Further breaking news: The plane carrying the bullion to Cash4mygold.co.uk’s Mumbai depot has broken down over the ocean. The company has gone bankrupt as it already blew half the cash on gold-plated houses for each of the directors. The gold is lost, presumed lying on the seabed.
