Oct 12 2009
Wayne Rooney pulls out of England squad due to ‘injury’, denies Fergie has anything to do with it
Ahead of his team’s crunch north-west derby against Bolton this weekend, Manchester United’s Wayne Rooney has sustained a convenient injury, forcing him to withdraw from the England squad for Wednesday’s Belarus World Cup Qualifier.
England have already qualified for the tournament, leading some to describe the match as ‘pointless’ and a ‘dead rubber’.
I felt a twinge in the back of me leg, so I went to see the team doctor, who said it was absolutely fine and there would be no problems for the midweek game. So anyways, I rings Fergie and describes the injury in detail. Funnily enough, just as I was talking with him, the whole muscle tore so he told me to get the next flight back to Manchester. Funny how these things happen, eh? — Wayne Rooney
Rooney will now spend the rest of the week at home in bed watching highlights of Britain’s Got Strictly Come Dancing Factor while his wife brings him fish finger and mayonnaise sandwiches. However, he vehemently denies he made the whole thing up just to have a pleasant week-long rest.
Make things up? Nah. I was only doing what Fergie told me to. I mean, er, agh, me leg! — Rooney
Elsewhere, Steven Gerrard is set to start after the England team doctor gave him a clean bill of health. The Liverpool captain was taken off at half time on Saturday as he was suffering from a case of Ukrainitis, which in layman’s terms can be described as a complete apathy towards matches that aren’t even being broadcast on British television.
Update 13/10: It seems Stevie G has pulled out of the England squad, no doubt to join Wayne Rooney in his fish finger and SCD-athon. Cheers to Wiggy for that update.
West Ham’s Robert Green, on the other hand, need not resort to feigning illness as he is suspended for Wednesday’s match. David ‘Calamity’ James will take his place between the sticks for the final round of World Cup qualifiers, during which he will no doubt sustain another mysterious unspecified injury that’ll mean he will miss the second half and have a long, luxurious bubble bath in the Wembley changing rooms.
Whoever said dead rubbers have no significance, eh?
- Highlights of the Ukraine-England match are available on the BBC website (UK only)
And has Stevie G not conveniently pulled out of the England squad with the groin strain? Yet will be fight for the cause for Liverpool when ever their next game is!
Ah yes, I just read it now. How convenient…. guess it’s the fish finger butties for him aswell