Retro Yakking

It’s utterly nonsensical and completely inconsequential! It’s the new 24-hour television channel from the same people that brought you the Internet Meme Half Hour starring Mr. T, Chuck Norris and that dramatic chipmunk thingy.

ReCaptcha Gold showcases the best and most irrelevant — and sometimes shockingly relevant — word entry verification codes the program has to offer. Gasp in awe at the unrecognisable gibberish presented before you! Smash your computer screen in frustration as you attempt to figure out what ‘criblastic‘ means! Fall asleep as the show runs into its seventeenth hour, repeating the same three codes over and over again!

So go and grab yourself a packet of crisps and some strong coffee, because it’s ReCaptcha Gold, and it’s coming to the Freeview platform soon, pending permission from the British Broadcasting Corporation. We’ve been trying to contact them for years, but every time we phone they’re either at the dentist or washing their hair, but we’re confident we’ll get the go-ahead in the next three months.

Until then, here’s a taster of the wonderful programming winging its way to your television screen at some point in the not-too-distant future. It’s jotally criblastic, yo!

Part Myopic: the incredible adventures of Ernie the short-sighted manatee and his fishy friends. In the end, they all get eaten by a shark - that’s natural selection for you.

Gorgeous Paul: The Australian version of Ugly Betty, where some bloke from Liverpool (that’s the one in Australia, of course) makes items of clothing out of toilet roll centres, leftover bits of cardboard and Wheat Bisks. Stuff happens very slowly: three episodes worth of scripts are stretched to fill a whole 32-show run. Well, we are in a period of economic recession, you know.

Albert Somali: Piratical japes on the high seas are the order of the day as Albert attempts to hijack every cargo ship within a five mile radius of his dinghy before the armed forces close in. Featuring special guest appearances by a sword-wielding Jonny Depp and that bloke from Rosie & Jim.

Hover Ranches: Futuristic sci-fi action as a bunch of Texas farmers must save the world from evil aliens from the planet Amarillo. Watch out for the cameo by ‘Old Man Bush’, as seen in that episode of Family Guy.

Sounds awesome, doesn’t it? Remember, people - the date to stick in your diary is… erm… sometime before January, hopefully, so don’t miss the big switch on date for ReCAPTCHA Gold!

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