Oct 31 2009
Football: Disgraced Marlon King signs for Wormwood Scrubs FC
Following his conviction for actual bodily harm earlier this week, former Premier League footballer Marlon King has signed for prison team Wormwood Scrubs FC on an 18 month contract.
Though he will be taking a massive paycut from his previous post as a goalpost at Wigan Athletic, King is relatively content with the upgrade in accommodation quality:
It’s the best I could hope for considering the circumstances. I wanted a double bed, but in the end managed to negotiate three cakes of soap and a copy of Roy Keane’s autobiography as a signing on fee, which I suppose is better than a punch in the head. — Marlon King
By signing for Wormwood, King will follow in the footsteps of many illustrious names that turned out for the side at some point in their career, including Newcastle’s Joey Barton and Notts County forward Lee Hughes.
He will train under the watchful eye of former Wales international Vinnie Jones, who took a break from his busy actor’s schedule to punch our reporter in the nuts.
Yeah, I fink I can teach him a fing or two. I’ve seen the CCTV footage and can honestly say he punches like a girl - heck, he deserves to be in jail for that sorry excuse for a right hook. We’ll soon sort ‘im out… — Vinnie Jones
Wormwood Scrubs currently lie 17th in the British Prisons League Three, just one place from the bottom of the lowest tier in prison football. They would be nearer the top, but a series of grave ‘off the field incidents’ have resulted in the total loss of 32 points in penalties, leaving the club on a measly four points from twenty-eight games.
We’re confident of beating Millwall in the cup next week… literally. Heh heh heh. — Wormwood Scrubs assistant manager Robert Freegun
