Nov 01 2009
Formula One: Battle of the Brits - Jenson Button or Barry Cello?
Formula One’s World Championship draws to a close today with the destination of the title already decided. Britain’s Jenson Button secured the 2009 crown two weeks ago at Brazil’s Interlagos circuit by gaining sufficient points to open up enough of a gap to his nearest rivals, meaning today’s race has no bearing on the destination of the title.
The last time a British person even came close to achieving such a feat was more than fifteen years ago. Mr. Barry Cello, an old age pensioner from Cheadle Hulme, won the British Grand Prix on a shopmobility scooter modified by his grandson. In a wet race, the vehicle’s extra weight and small wheel base allowed Mr. Cello to stay on track whilst all around him were crashing into barriers and tyre walls.
It was a comfortable victory in the end, as the only other competitor, Italian former world champion Luca Pizza, finished seventeen laps down due to a technical fault (Mr. Cello spent the morning smashing the engine with his walking stick).
Cello was not aware of the nitrous boost or even his win until he woke up… three minutes after the race had ended. He was later fined £3,000 — which just so happened to be the exact total sum of his winnings — by the local supermarket from which the scooter was originally ‘acquired’.
The history-making vehicle in question is now used for speedy door-to-door sales pitches after it was bought from eBay for £75.40 (plus £75.40 postage and packaging), thousands of pounds below its original evaluation after the 1993 race.
Well, I suppose this Credit Crunch is good for some things, eh? — Robert Freegun, proprietor of Bob’s Speedy Insurance Sales
In comparison, current world champion Jenson Button will today drive a car worth millions of pounds, rigorously tested by a team of over 100 mechanics for more than a year.
In my day, I could have given that young whippersnapper a run for his money, even in my 1992 Honda Civic, and that was slow. Slower even than my first car, an Austin Allegro, which I remember had pretty good handling but the gearknob kept falling off, and I… — Barry Cello on the current world champion
Whilst there is no doubt Cello would have beaten even Jenson Button in a Brawn BGP 001, a ‘Race of Champions’ is certainly out of the question, at least barring rapid advances in cryogenics - he died of old age in 2005.
