Retro Yakking

It’s a given fact that pets hate Bonfire Night. Not only are they subjected to an often relentless string of loud noises, but they are also forced to eat the leftover parkin and treacle toffee, something no animal ought to endure.

Of course, there are steps one can take to keep pets safe and protected during events such as Bonfire Night. However, there are numerous misconceptions about what is best for each animal, which is why Retro Yakking has provided this handy cut out and keep (or at least bookmark) guide to the dos and don’ts for pet owners on Bommy Night.

Do: Take your dog for a walk before fireworks start to be let off so they are physically and mentally tired out, making them more likely to lie down and ignore the loud bangs and sparks going off outside.

Don’t: Allow your dog to set off fireworks. It can be a danger to children and even result in the dog getting an ASBO or curfew imposed upon them by the local police.

Do: Let your cat hide itself under a window ledge, table or chair. Attempting to entice it away could result in elevated stress levels for both parties.

Don’t: Allow your cat to use sparklers without supervision. Always make them wear gloves and point the hot end away from other cats, dogs, passing motorists, naked flames or (especially) policemen.

Do: Absolutely nothing to protect your goldfish on Bonfire Night. They rarely, if ever, become scared of fireworks.

Don’t: Take your goldfish out of its bowl, wrap it up in blankets to keep it safe or feed it alcohol to sedate it. A drunk goldfish can be very dangerous for all concerned, and besides, pouring your lager into the tank is just a great big waste of beer.

Do: Give your elephant sleeping pills to calm it down until Bonfire Night is over. Fluffy pink earmuffs would also not go amiss.

Don’t: Let your elephant into the house. This applies not just to 5th November, but every other day of the year as well - in fact, it’s not a very wise idea to keep an elephant as a pet in the first place. Still, if you really must…

Well, I think that just about covers most common pets, save maybe for hamsters, turtles, snakes and a couple of others. If you need more information on this, don’t go to your local vet as they will make you pay through the nose for expensive sedatives and stuff. Do check out this web page for more information on keeping cats, dogs and small animals safe on Bonfire Night.

Most importantly, make sure you don’t get your head blown off.

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