Retro Yakking

OH NO! What happened to my BBC2?! Agh! — You

Thanks to an extended period of investigation, or at least fiddling around with the buttons on my Freeview remote control, I have been able to ascertain exactly which methods will be most effective in the battle against the digital switchover. More specifically, I’ve produced this handy step-by-step guide to retuning your digital set top box especially for those of you still struggling to figure out what’s going on.

Before we start, you really should read this informational post from last month. Though it refers to the previous retune on 1st October, many tips still apply to the current situation.

Still perplexed? Follow these simple instructions and don’t sweat it so much.

1. Look for a button labelled ‘menu’ on your remote and press it until a list of options appears on the television. If nothing happens, try turning the television on first - the menu button is 34% less likely to work if the television is not switched on at the mains.
2. Scroll down to the ‘Setup’ option. Do not select the ‘delete all channels’ option as, although this is not necessarily a bad thing, it will waste valuable time. And time, as we all know, is a massive commodity in the modern world. I’m sure you’d rather be making a cheese sandwich or taking the dog for a walk instead, so look for the setup option and click on it.
3. Choose ‘Automatic scan’ or ‘Automatic installation’. You could select the manual option, but again, this would simply be a waste of your precious time and effort because the machine will do it for you if you ask it nicely or offer it a box of chocolates. It’s far easier to just press the button though.
4. Go and put the kettle on or something.. Ignore the stuff appearing on-screen as it is likely to confuse you. If you’re interested, the percentage bar indicates how far away your television set is from exploding itself, but do not worry! This is normal.
5. Should your television still work after approximately five minutes, try scrolling through the channels. All being well, the missing ones should have magically returned! If not, let out a surprised sigh, then return to step one and repeat.

If you’re still having major problems, this post on coping with the switchover may or may not answer your prayers. I don’t know for sure as I am not a mindreader, but I am a writer for a small time Internet weblog, which is pretty much the same thing, isn’t it?

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