Nov 17 2009
Pig flu watch: Spammers cashing in on flu outbreak
Another satisfied customer of Canadian Medicines Ltd.
Internet spammers are ramping up production in an attempt to cash in on the public’s worry over swine flu. Hundreds of idiots have already been scammed out of thousands of pounds by purchasing illegal Tamiflu from dodgy websites via spam emails.
The fake medicine, available through your local spampeddler (see your Hotmail inbox for more details), is made of live rats and creepy crawlies that live under your bed. Retro Yakking contacted a licensed unlicensed licensee of illegal drugs from a company known as ‘The Canadian Pharmacy’ for the lowdown on the situation.
You know that old saying ‘you are never more than a metre away from a rat’? Well, we’re doing our bit to reduce this figure. In fact, since operations started just over a year ago, we’ve managed to officially change that phrase to ‘you are never more than 1.2 metres away from a rat’. Not only are we very proud of ourselves, but we are also very, very rich. — ‘Canadian Pharmacy’ worker
The employee, known only by his initials of L.A.D, was also keen to stress “each and every pill is made from rats sourced from local sewers and customers can be assured we use only the very highest quality diseased rodents”.
To cope with the increase in demand for Tamiflu, the spammers have purchased an old, abandoned farm somewhere outside of Ontario, Canada (at least according to tax forms). There, it is thought upwards of seven million rats will be slaughtered and fed into a mincer before being spray painted white to resemble pills.
The resulting drug packets will be transported around the world thanks to African company The Somalian Shipping Co., who are doing so out of the goodness of their hearts, and have definitely not been pressurised at knifepoint.
See this informational video for more information (warning, contains footage of a man pulling a rat out of his mouth).
