Retro Yakking

An Australian Aboriginal boy of 12 will appear in court after being charged with receiving a stolen chocolate bar to the value of thirty four pence. The story is being used by the Australian mainstream media as a leading example of the systematic discrimination against Aboriginals allegedly present in the country’s society.

The vast majority of people, however, are more shocked at the fact a Freddo bar would cost that much. Just five years ago, they were being sold in British outlets for ten pence, and chocoholics are up in arms over the rising cost of not just Freddo bars, but Jammy Dodgers and Eccles cakes as well.

Well, I know exchange rates are bad these days, but I didn’t know things had become that bad. I checked out the shop the kid’s mate supposedly stole from, and a Mars bar was $4 - that’s more than 25 British pounds by my calculations. — I.M.N Egghead, leading English mathematician

Some cast doubt over this assumption, however:

Mr. Egghead ought to stop using the Canada-Nigeria Shipping company to transport his chocolate. If he came to us, not only would the chocolate remain fully intact by the time it reaches Dover, but he would have a free 35 year guarantee. All we require is a £3,000 deposit… — L.J. Silva, representative for The Somalian Shipping Co.

Original research suggests Freddo bars actually cost 50 pence in Hindley Tescos, so British chocolate lovers would actually be better served buying their daily supply from Australia.

Local police do not recommend you steal chocolate as it could end up costing you an extra £1 to buy a suit from Oxfam for a potential court appearance. Thieves recommend you invest in an invisibility suit instead.

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