Retro Yakking

The following advertisement was Found on Craigslist yesterday morning. Is it me, or is this Credit Crunch thing becoming rather annoying?

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Posted by: Cadbury PLC, 22nd November 2009

Price: 3,000,000 chocolate buttons

Detail: This is your opportunity to own one of the galaxy’s largest confectionery empires. Wispa it quietly, but Cadbury PLC have been forced to put their 25million square foot headquarters up for sale. Hobnob with the giants of world snack foods and give your ego a much-needed boost with your very own chocolate factory nestled in the heart of London’s lucrative Picnic Sector.

1,300 employees included, so you don’t have to lift a finger! No need to fudge the issue with messy hands-on manual labour or hiring needless ‘ee bah gum’ Yorkie staff.

North American investors: Pay not a dime today! 50-year payment plan available with no obligation to pay anything until 2015. Live the American Dream right here in the United Kingdom and become one of the All-American Heroes of confectionery. Take a risk, breakaway from the norm and Rolo-ver the competition with ease.

Perks: Forget all your truffles with an endless bounty of sweet treats. It really is chocolate heaven.

Plus: Free double decker campaign bus!

Phone: %%%%% %%%%%%*

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Wonder how long it took them to make that up? Judging by some of the rather tenuous semi-puns — which kind of rely on people knowing every chocolate bar that’s ever existed and actually include a whole load of Nestle products — I’d say less than five minutes. Still, I thought it was rather witty. Tasty, even.

*Phone number censored: I’ll bet Cadbury are already getting quite a few phone calls from hopeless chocoholics, so best not to bother them with the direct line. Use their mobile instead, which is 0800 74650289461.

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