Nov 26 2009
Football: Thierry Henry and Paul Scharner form handball team
International footballers Thierry Henry and Paul Scharner have joined forces to create the country’s first FA Premier League handball team.
Former Arsenal striker Henry has been in exile in London ever since being rejected by the nation of France for the ‘Hand of Frog‘ incident, and has had literally nothing to do for the past week but eat jellied eels and have good old Cockney knees-ups “dahn at the Ol’ Dog’n’ Duck”.
During one of Thierry’s long afternoon stints propping up the bar, Wigan midfielder Paul Scharner just so happened to be in the area on a ‘club scouting excursion’ and popped in for a quick Ribena and chocolate Battenberg. The two got to talking about how much better football would be if the handball rule was outlawed, and hit upon the idea of creating a team that would compete in a sport where such ‘offences’ are actually encouraged.
Handball is popular in Europe, particularly Austria, where Scharner was brought up - just across the road from the Vienna School of Handball Excellence, in fact.
However, the sport is thus far relatively unheard of in the United Kingdom. Spotting a money-making opportunity from a mile away, Scharner and Henry rented a school gym in the East End of London and set about attempting to cadge some dosh from the Olympic Lottery fund.
We’re doing our bit for Britain by getting people interested in handball in the build up to the 2012 Olympics. We are quietly confident of earning the country a medal whilst at the same time deflecting the blame from our blatant footballing offences. It’s a win-win situation. –Paul Scharner
By Tuesday morning, the duo had already secured a big-money deal from Sky Sports to screen the ‘Premier League All-Star Handball’ team in their first match against the Düsseldorf Dusters, a team of housewives from Guernsey.
Rumours abound that Argentinian superstar and ‘Hand of God’ legend Diego Maradona will act as guest manager for the All-Stars. Scharner and Henry will also feature in the match, which is to take place next Thursday afternoon at the Wigan Soccerdome, last-minute cancellation pending.
