Retro Yakking

Hey, that’s not fair! I should be able to bang my head against the ground if I want!

I suggest that the above sign I found at a swimming pool (I won’t mention where) would confuse a stupid person. Forgoing the fact that there’s a huge double negative thing going on there (No no headbanging?!) it could be mistaken for a bloke that’s fallen off his skis.

So, no falling off your skis at the swimming pool or you may bang (and electrocute) your head!

Just a minute! Let’s flip this upside down and see what it looks like…

“The roof headbanging competition is ON,” but only if you have brought skis. Or maybe he’s doing pull-ups. Gee, I have way too much time on my hands… fetch me a sandwich or something.

Hey, kids! It’s time for some Thursday morning pretentiousness!

Look, I don’t want to come across as a spelling/grammar Nazi or anything, and I’m a fine one to be harping on like an English schoolteacher, but the sign/graphics company who designed this van for a local company really need to get a better typist.

I’d be pretty annoyed if I hired a signwriting service and they came back with the above message. Getting picky, I would quibble about the fact that ampersand looks like it’s floating in the middle of nowhere. Surely the whole word ‘and’ would fit there better? Oh, I forgot, that would cost an extra 20p.

Besides, I’d have though the word ‘maintenance’ would be trickier to spell. This indicates that the error in the above line is simply a typo. In vinyl. On a van. Oh, who am I kidding?

Redux

There, are you happy now, Mr Yack?

HY: No. The quality of the above Photoshop is significantly below standard…

Clap your eyes upon this sign found just outside Hindley town centre. Just an ordinary poster advertising a car for sale, you might think. But take a closer look at the picture of the car being advertised, here enlarged and brightness adjusted for your convenience:

So let’s recap: if the photo is anything to go by, this very reliable car with only one owner and 20,000 miles on the clock seems to have no headlights, wheels (apart from the spare one in the boot, of course) or even engine by the looks of things - only two hundred quid. A steal.

But let’s be honest: would you buy this car from that picture? A picture in which the car seems to be being transported somewhere on the front of a JCB?

I know it’s probably meant as a project, but the photo seems to indicate the polar opposite of what’s described in the text. Don’t get me wrong, it probably was a good car in its time, but that image doesn’t really do the poster any favours.

I conclude that this is most likely a prank, but if not, it seems somebody is very bad at advertising.

Fancy taking up Yoga? I got this flyer, a slightly creased piece of A5 paper, through my letterbox this morning. Here’s a transcript:

YOGA CLASS

Wednesdays 7.30pm -8.30pm and Sundays 11am - 12am. At the Apex Health and Fitness Centre Lowe Mill Lane Hindley center. 3.50 per lesson Apex members 4.00 none members, everyone welcome. Help your posture, help get rid of aches and pains, back trouble, hip touble and shoulder problems. Learn to relieve yourself of stress the YOGA way. A BSY trained Yoga teacher will show you the basics and upwards. Contact Mike on 12345 67890 or just turn up, 10 mins early please. Get fit the YOGA way, improve your life with YOGA. Get back that youthfull confidence, walk tall agin, free your body of the stress of life.

YOGA THE BREATH OF LIFE!!!!!!!

So, if you live in the Hindley area, I recommend you get on down there this weekend. And to the person who created this flyer - you are instantly a local legend.