Retro Yakking

You may think Retro Yakking has addressed some rather wacky issues in the past couple of months, but the people finding this site via the search engines have come up with some even crazier stuff that you wouldn’t believe.

Mentally unstable as they may be, each of the search terms emboldened below have brought web surfers to this very site. As an added bonus, I’ve attempted to answer some of the queries with my knowledge of, er, stuff.

Q. My fish’s face exploded.

A. Well, unfortunately there’s nothing I can do to help your fish, but I advise saving yourself as it is most likely a grotesque mutant that crawled from the sewers.

If you want to survive, I suggest flushing it back down the toilet before it transforms into some sort of comic book-esque lifeform.

(more…)

And so, before you know it, another month of fishy gags, weak sarcasm and comma splicing draws to a close.

But February on Retro Yakking shall go out with a bang rather than a whimper as I present to you an obligatory and oh-so-original list of funny and bizarre searches that brought visitors to this very place. It is proof, to me at least, that among the thousands of you that pass by each month, a number are just as crazy as I am. Yehee!

Ladies and gentlemen, I welcome you to this edition of Ask the Yak. Each question you see here is derived from a search term used to reach Retro Yakking in the past couple of months.

So who’s up first?

• Prove people with alien hand syndrome is not crazy - I can’t, unfortunately. Contrary to popular belief, I am a small-time bandwidth thief, not a doctor.
• How are funny facts educational? Short answer - they aren’t. If you want educational, I suggest you try Illogicopedia. Is this supposed to be some sort of sarcastic jibe?
• What happens if I melt pennies to recover the copper? Well, the cops come round and bust you immediately, such is Big Brother’s reach these days. It’s also illegal, dontcha know.
• Can you refuse a 1p coin? You can, but I recommend taking it then throwing it back at the supermarket till worker. It’s much more fun.
• Interesting facts about post it notes? You can stick ‘em to things and write on them, I suppose. Most of the time they are orange but they can come in a variety of flavours, including purple.
• How to destroy a hard drive vinegar? Er, use kitchen towels. Lots of them. And a bloomin’ huge mallet.
• Is my golf club damaged? If you hit people over the head with it then yes, it most likely is damaged.

DVD Bonus material - more weird searches

• Alien disclosure bookmakers - the bookies have disclosed the fact that aliens are out there! Maybe.
• The fun side of Bill Gates - I’ll bet this search returned minimal results.
• Wikipedia squirrel living speach - still can’t quite decipher this one. Answers on a postcard to the usual address!
• Enter search keywords here…

Do you have a question you’d like the Yak to answer?

Write it on the back of a cornflakes packet and email it to: hindleyite at blueyonder dot co dot uk, or simply drop me a comment.