Retro Yakking

And now, the revenge of the humorist: a backlash against the Ashes Fever that has gripped this blog for the past week.

When taken as a whole, the world isn’t that crazy about cricket. There’s the 100-odd million people on the subcontinent, plus another 50 million or so from the Commonwealth, but that’s peanuts compared to the amount of people that actually live in the world.

If you get into a fight with anyone from North America, they are more likely to smack you over the head with a baseball bat (or in Canada, a hockey stick) than a cricket bat. In Europe, the weapon of choice varies from a garlic baguette on the Mediterranean to an iron rod or pitchfork in the Eastern Bloc - no willow in sight.

I’m going to move on quickly from here because I seem to remember a similar joke in a Simpsons episode at one point, and that would be bordering on mainstream humour.

Retro Yakking took to the streets to find out peoples’ preferred melee weapons. (Oh, for goodness’ sake… — Ed) Erm, I mean, to get their thoughts on the sport of cricket.

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Well, it seems you can’t escape this guy at the moment. Just hours after helping England regain the Ashes, talismanic all-rounder Freddie Flintoff has undergone surgery on his troublesome knee, which could keep him out for up to twelve months if you believe everything Ian Botham tells us.

I wouldn’t worry about him having nothing to do in the meantime, though, as Fred really does know how to spend his spare time. Rumours abound that he’s actually purchased his own marina and pedalo club in Blackpool, where he will no doubt spend a lot of time teasing lifeguards and attempting motorbike stunts on jetskis.

Oh yes, and there is of course a rather large private bar with flatscreen TV and snooker tables… on water.

Debate the validity of these (admittedly, rather silly) reports all you like, but if everything in the press is true (and why wouldn’t it be?) I would not put it past the big Preston all-rounder to make such a purchase, though he has, admittedly, settled down these days. His alcohol-fuelled antics are largely a thing of the past, perhaps unfortunately for cricket.

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The litle urn is back in England after the hosts wrapped up a 197-run win over Australia at the Oval yesterday. A good team bowling performance on day four ensured the Aussies were unable to chase down the highly unlikely 546: Harmison and Broad chipped in with some important wickets, but it was Swann who did the bulk of the bowling, taking 4-120.

Retro Yakking does not often make serious predictions, but it seems we at least got one thing right about this game:

The man to watch for me has to be Stuart Broad. He has managed to find a little bit of form in the last match, taking a five-for and smashing a quickfire 60, which will have done his confidence no end of good. — Retro Yakking, 19th August

Stuart Broad proved to be the match-turner in the first Australian innings, taking 5-37 backed up with useful scores of 37 and 29. It was not quite Broad’s Ashes, but certainly he did play a huge part in orchestrating an England win on the second day. A performance fully deserving of his Man of the Match award.

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After Friday’s wicket-fest, Saturday’s crowd at the Oval were treated to a spectacle of a completely different kind.

Almost 400 runs were scored in the day’s play, the vast majority of them from England’s middle and lower order, with contributions from Flintoff, Broad, Strauss and Swann. Biggest credit ought to go to débutante Jonathan Trott, who defied the spitting wicket to amass 119 from 193 balls. An inspired selection, this may well prove to be.

As last night, England are still in the driving seat. The third-day finish never materialised, but it’s pretty much a nailed-on certainty that there will be a result in this game. Seems that one or two batsmen have finally figured out this pitch, which can yield some good runs if you first get settled. There is some chance, then, that Australia can chase down the remaining 465 runs, even if it would be the largest ever fourth innings score in the history of not just Test, but first-class cricket.

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Time for the usual(ish) second-day Test match update, and an important one at that. For starters, things have advanced much further than anyone would have cared to expect at this stage in the match: two innings have already come and gone with less than 120 overs bowled. In fact, we’re well into the third.

A safe bet, then, that there will be a result in this match, despite the presence of some quite heavy showers yesterday. Almost on cue, they came on the stroke of the lunch break which minimised delays, and actually marked a turning point in the game.

Australia were 60 for the loss of no wickets and looking set to launch from the platform Katich and Watson had created before the rains came and momentum swung.

However, things changed dramatically in the afternoon session. England hold the upper hand thanks to some fantastic bowling (and a slice or two of luck) from Graham Swann and Stuart Broad. Yes, Stuart Broad. Remember him, that bloke who couldn’t land the ball on a living room carpet in the first two Tests? This wasn’t your ordinary Broady, but a MegaBroad quite reminiscent of our curly-haired superhero friend. He added a haul of 5/37 to his 37 runs in the England innings, a fine all-round effort so far.

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